2011年3月16日 星期三
A trip to remember
There was a trip that I remember very clearly. I had been to Thailand for five days with my mother and brother on summer vacation when I was at the age of ten. One of the five days, I did lots of activities on the water, also diving and feeding the tropical fish in the water. After that exhausting day, I felt very tired, so I took a shower and wanted to sleep at once. But my mother and brother wanted to go to the convenient store, asking me whether I would like to go with them. And then I declined, so they left me alone in the room. Before sleeping, I did such a stupid thing that I locked the door together with the two security locks. Because I did that thing, my mother and brother were locked by me and my mother cost five hundred dollars to have the hotel staff tear down the door which was connectivity with the next room. The most ridiculous thing was that I didn't woke up during the whole night! I didn't know what I had done until the next day morning. And everyone in the same tour was laughing at me the next day whenever they saw me. Now, I still consider that I was very silly about doing that thing.
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1.第二行的One of the five days, I~ 要加on 吧!
回覆刪除2.倒數第3行 ~didn't woke up during the whole night! 是~didn't wake up~
remember改成過去式?
回覆刪除And then要不要改but比較好~
have the hotel staff tore 的tore要改原形
connectivity是名詞唷
文章內容很通順!!:D
which was connectivity with the next room
回覆刪除connectivity是名詞,可以把was connectivity直接寫成connect或者你有其他更好的詞來替換
my mother and brother were locked by me
locked加個outside意思會更明顯
1.remember要改過去式
回覆刪除2.on the summer vacation 要加the吧!
3.是in the water吧! on the water 好怪~
4.Therefore, my mom and brother were locked out because of my carelessness. What's worse,my mom cost five hundred dollars to have the hotel staff tear down the door which was connectivity with the next room. 這樣會不會比較順~
倒數第三行是wake
回覆刪除I did lots of activities on the water~
改成I did lots of water sports~比較好吧
on the water 是不是要改成in阿
回覆刪除connectivity是名詞
woke 改成wake
整篇文章很通順
And then I declined, so they left me alone in the room. 這句有兩個連接詞喔你要不要把and刪掉
回覆刪除Because I did~ and my mother cost five hundred dollars to have the ~. cost->spent 所以to have要變成having Because I did要不要改成Because of what I did感覺比較親切哈哈
然後文章有通順到喔