2011年6月9日 星期四
Disgussing Effects - 1
The pressure of school has done lots of effects on many students. One of the first things is that it causes some mental and physical problems. For example,it may lead to girls' menstrual disorder or ordinary students' constipation, which perplex students deeply. Additionally, it also brings about headaches and bedazzles students a lot. On the other hand, those pressure may probably inspire students to study harder, making them reach higher achievements. To sum up, the pressure of school should be appropriate then it may do good for students.
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張貼留言 (Atom)
1)開頭和最後的the pressure of school應該要改成The pressure from schoolwork
回覆刪除2)One of the first things的things不用加s八
要不要再多加幾點強調呢?
回覆刪除只有兩個論點有點少...
good-->well
回覆刪除*The pressure of school感覺有點怪怪滴~→the pressure from school
回覆刪除*the pressure of school should be appropriate then it may do good for students. then 不是連接詞唷!→If the pressure from school should be appropriate, it may do students good.
The pressure of school has done lots of effects on many students.第一句怪怪的~
回覆刪除影響要不要都只寫好的或都只寫壞的~有好有壞感覺好奇怪~
看起來就沒什麼大問題
回覆刪除只是論點需要再多一點
the pressure of school感覺怪怪
of改成from會不會比較好?
建議論點多一點喔
回覆刪除